By Suzette Hinton After months of fighting over who would get the house, the cars, and even the china, its over. A couple of questions, a strike of the gavel, a signing of the papers and the marriage is over. Wow, we expended more energy fighting over who got what and defending our rights than was ever invested in saving our marriage. What was entered into with such joyful anticipation making sure the church was decorated, every flower in place, groomsmen all at attention — was exited with anger, humiliation and wounds that may never heal. Though we blame our spouse, if we were to be completely honest, our problems trace back to a time or incidence long before we even laid eyes on each other. Over the years, our spouse may have bumped up against our wounds, but rarely is our partner the original cause. In peeling back the layers that have multiplied over the years, you might find that it was when Uncle Sticky Fingers hands kept going further and further up your legs when he was tickling you. Or maybe it was hearing angry shouts and things toppling over when mom and dad were behind closed doors. Merciless whippings inflicted on your young body by parents who said they were doing this for your own good. Or could it have been that no one was there to help you or to guide you and you had to raise yourself. Regardless of the reasons, you were deeply bruised. Clinical psychologists and historians theorize that our wounding goes back even further. In his book, LOVE PRESCRIPTION: HEALING THE WAR BETWEEN BLACK MEN AND WOMEN, Elena Oumano, Ph.D. suggests, Slavery made it nearly impossible for us to form lasting and healthy relationships in the past. The problem is that when it comes to getting together for the long-term these days, too many of us still act as if the slave master were standing over us with a whip. In fact, painstaking research reinforces the authors observations identifying symptoms concurrent with a condition recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-IV (DSM-IV) called PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and are calling it Post-Traumatic Slavery Disorder. Of course, this idea is getting conflicting reactions among people of color. Some argue that this is all a crock and we, as a people, just dont want to take responsibility for our actions. While others contemplate the merit of this condition given our very traumatic and dehumanizing past. When you consider that it wasnt until the 1960s that civil rights were actually brought to the forefront of this great society, it is not hard to see the ripple effects into our present thinking and behaviors. Tell me where it hurts, the doctor says to his patient. This is the first step to treatment. No longer can we avoid the wound. Its like watching a television sitcom where too much yeast was kneaded into dough and it expands to the point of bursting violently through the doors of the oven and spewing in globs all over the otherwise immaculately clean kitchen floor. I believe that our unsafe neighborhoods, emotionally impoverished homes and severely neglected children are the pus-filled, discolored, oozing stench of a deep wound not properly attended to. There are arguments that recant, insisting we stop licking our wounds and move on. Contemporary thinkers retort that we can no longer blame white people for our problems. We are masters of our own fate. Brothers and sisters of color are opting to build loving relationships with their white or exotic counterparts declaring their liberation from the oppression of the past. Though I agree that we cannot continue to blame others for our plight, we are still wounded. A wound does not discriminate based on who inflicted it. It hurts regardless. Hence, despite the achievements and economic strides of our race, our people are still suffering, not at the hand of the white man, the red man or the yellow man, but at the hand of our own people. Black folks are living better now than ever in our history alongside black folks who are still enslaved by poverty. Churchgoing children are sitting beside hand-clappin, foot-stompin parents, contemplating suicide or violent activity after worship is over. Young girls who live in two-parent homes are concealing being pushed, kicked, spit on or emotionally ripped apart by their boyfriends. Our boys are being targeted and humiliated by police within a block of their homes because of how they are dressed. Doesnt matter if you cant hear the sound, you can feel it. We can no longer close the windows to block out the noise; its reverberations are shaking our walls. Look up from your newspaper, turn off the Sports Channel, and stop speaking in tongues long enough to face your pain. Maybe, if we acknowledge our pain and stop inflicting it on each other, we can start the healing process. Suzette R. Hinton, SAC-I, Certified Life and Mentor Coach, Counselor and Mother. Graduate of CANA, Inc. (http://www.CoachingInstituteofNorthAmerica.com) and Founder of Purposeful Connections (http://www.purposefulconnections.com). Suzette believes that purpose is not only a destination but it is the energy that pushes us toward its fulfillment. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Suzette_Hinton http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Restoration-of-the-Black-Family:-The-First-Step-In-Healing-the-Wounds&id=327476 boat loans bad credit how to get a cell phone with bad credit poor credit remortgage company credit score interpretation
